ONLINE dating tips: PHOTOS

A photo is a MUST. And a good photo. You are picky, and so is the next guy! How many emails or flirts have you received by a photo-less admirer and ignored it? You thought, "This guy/gal probably looks like (insert insult here)!

It's true. With no photo, we are skeptical that the person is passable in the looks department. No one thinks, "Wow, this guy must be gorgeous if they won't post their pic!" And no one wants to correspond with someone for days or weeks THEN see them and be repulsed/turned off. What a waste of time!

Here is my advice since I know choosing a picture is hard and difficult and downright debilitating for some:

- go to JC Penney or some other department store portrait studio and lay down the $24 it takes to sit for a professional portrait! They will take over twenty photos of you in different poses, different clothes if you want, and email you ALL the ones you like. For only $24! And you get a copy of one that you can give to your mother! (or whomever else would want a picture of you)

Use only one of these professional photos for your online profile. Use the close up shot of your face, unless you already have a good, clear one. Then add another photo of you in an outdoor setting or at a party or somewhere where you are laughing or smiling and look like you are having fun.

If you are involved in something out of the ordinary, like belly dancing, car racing, Big Brothers/Sisters, basket-weaving (etc), you may include a picture of you engaging in that activity. But only use a pic of YOU (not a group) and make sure it is close enough to make you out clearly.

I recommended having three pics, actually, to give a good representation of what you look like. One is never an accurate gauge of the person. Two is better, but three usually gives you the best overall essence of the person's looks. So pic number three should be totally different from one (the close up) and two (the activity shot) - it should be one of you dressed up, unless the close up looks too dressy. You want a casual and a dressy and one that shows you involved in something you like (to make you more real and unique).

Any questions?
Go to it! Happy Dating!

Worst 1st Date Ever

Did you hear about the poor woman whose date stole her car and left her with the restaurant bill?!!! Ladies, ladies, ladies! Please be careful! He could have been a rapist or murderer, not just a thief. Do NOT go out with a man that needs YOU to do the driving! As far as I'm concerned, he should have never been in her car on a first date.

As a matchmaker, I always arrange the two people to meet at an area restaurant. You do not know him yet, so he should not even know what car you drive. I don't share last names or places of employment until AFTER the two people have met and decided they like each other.

I'll bet this guy knows where this woman lives. She'd met him at a casino (see article below) and somehow the next week she ended up driving them to a restaurant, where he subsequently dumped the check on her and sped off with her car after she gave him the keys to 'get his wallet out of the car.'

Please use discernment in dating! Be safe!

Here is the article:
Man Ditches Woman On First Date, Steals Her Car
FERNDALE, Mich.

— Police in Michigan say a first date went from bad to worse when a Detroit man skipped out on the restaurant bill, then stole his date's car.

Police say 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy had dinner with a woman April 24 at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. The woman says the two met a week earlier at a Detroit casino and she knew McCoy only as "Chris."

The woman told police that McCoy said he left his wallet in her car and asked for keys. He then sped away in the 2000 Chevrolet Impala.

The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reports that police identified McCoy by a photo he'd sent to the woman's cell phone, and his phone number.

McCoy is charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday.

• Last Updated: 31 August 2009 12:42 PM
• Source: Edinburgh Evening News
• Location: Edinburgh

Unleashing the Diva in You

I read the following post this week and thought I'd share it with you. Comment if you'd like!

Posted Monday, August 24th
Unlock Your Inner Diva for Dating Success

There's something sexy about a powerful, take-charge woman who knows what she wants and how to get it! To be an intriguing and sexy Decisive Diva you must develop within yourself the Three E's of Feminine Power: Erotic Power, Economic Power and Emotional Power. Learn how to unlock your own Inner Diva and power date your way to a great relationship.

Erotic Power means you constantly draw from the limitless reservoir of self-respect, serenity and sensuousness at your core. When you get this down you have a mysterious, self-contained air about you that's irresistible to men. They open doors for you and treat you like a queen or a goddess.

It has nothing to do with your size or shape. It's all about the attitude you exude. Self-confidence is just as sexy in a woman as it is in a man.

Economic Power means you earn your own income and responsibly live within your means. You do not depend on a partner to provide for you or rescue you. You must have the financial power to walk away from a relationship if it goes sour.

Emotional Power means you exercise a reasonable amount of control over your thoughts and emotions. You don't let your fears and weaknesses rule your life. You have the strength to live comfortably without a man until you find the right one who is worthy of you.

A woman who has awakened her Inner Diva is a woman who respects and values herself. She does not waste time on a man who will not be able to meet her needs. She uses her head to look at the facts about a man's character and behavior as she dates him. When all signals are a go, she then allows her heart to open and lead the way.

When you embrace the Three E's, you'll be able to date productively and be objective about the men you meet. Dating is not about you trying to please him. It's about him trying to please you. Let him audition for the plum role of co-starring with you in your already wonderful life.

FROM:
http://www.artspace2000.com/

Dating in the Dark tv show

Last night was the second time I watched the new ABC show called "Dating in the Dark" after one of my clients mentioned it to me. Surprisingly, I like it!

The concept is this: three guys and three girls move into a mansion for a few days but are not allowed to meet each other, except in the dark room. It starts out with the three women and three men having a meet/greet in the dark room together, so all of them are able to talk and interact with one another in the group setting. Based on that larger meeting, each person is allowed to then invite a member of the opposite sex for a 'date' in the dark room alone.

The participants have NO IDEA what their dates look like. So the initial interest is totally based on the person's voice and personality or the way they answered the questions in the group date.

In last week's episode, no one ended up getting together - even though they had had several 'in the dark' dates and thought they liked each other. After a couple of 'in the dark' meetings, the two people decide whether or not they want to meet face to face in the light, but it is still in the dark room! The lights come up on one of them for a few seconds (they are behind a glass booth) and then the other for a few seconds. It is just a short look at the person, and last week they were all disappointed in their love interest's looks.

It is kind of funny! In this week's episode, each person had to work with a sketch artist to try to come up with an image of what they THOUGHT their date looked like, based on their personalities and voices. They were way off, in most cases. They also got to go through the three cars of the opposite sex, to see what that would reveal about them.

It was interesting to see what the person would do once they really liked the other person until they SAW what they looked like. There was a larger woman in last night's episode that was hitting it off really well with a very slender, good-looking middle eastern guy. He was sensitive, artistic (poet and song writer) and they seemed to really like each other. They hugged in the dark room, so you knew that he could probably tell she was a larger girl.

When they decided to see what each other looked like, she looked really cute with her hair curled and a low-cut dress on. He looked like a cabbie! He was very handsome in person, but in that instant when the light came on with him standing there, I'll bet he looked like a New York cab driver to her. He was wearing black jeans, a yellow leather jacket and a scarf around his neck.

She decided she didn't want to go out on a real date with him. It was kind of sad, because he was willing to go out with her, even though she was bigger than the women he usually was attracted to.

Another woman from last's night show decided she didn't even need to see what they guy she'd been getting to know looked like! She said there wasn't enough chemistry for her to even pursue seeing his face! He was disappointed because he'd actually gone to the dark room to see what she looked like in the light and she didn't show up! He was staring at an empty room when the lights came up. Talk about rejection!

There was one couple that no only hit it off, but were attracted to each other when they saw their faces in the light. That was a happy ending.

One thing I've noticed about this show from the two weeks I've watched is that the MEN seem more willing than the women to give the relationship a try! Last week and this week, two of the three women decided not to meet the guys in person. I would have at least given it a chance in person, like the guys were willing to do. You never know how you are going to feel in person, face to face, with the lights on. I say give it a shot!

Dating VIA Skype

Well, there are several new forms of dating out there – from Dating in the Dark to Dating via SKYPE. What does the Diva Dating Coach think about this?

I say WHATEVER WORKS! Try anything and everything (short of illegal or immoral activity) to help find The One You Can Love. The whole dating in the dark thing is just for television. There is no way that situation would really play out in the real world. But dating via Skype is practical and useful, especially if you are open to dating someone long distance.

Here is how it works, one member of the opposite sex meets with three of the other sex over SKYPE to chat about various issues or topics to see if there is any chemistry. Afterwards the person chooses the one that he/she had the most interest or chemistry with for a real date.

I don't see anything wrong with this type of set-up. It saves you time and money and nothing is lost if you don't want a real date with the person. I think this will probably catch on and more people will start doing the webcam/skype type dates before they will agree to meet someone in person.

Choosing a Barack before he's President Obama

A new friend sent me a link to her recent article on The Root and it is perfect for Cupid's Cove! Here it is in part:

What Single Women Can Learn From Michelle
By: Jenée Desmond-Harris
Posted: June 8, 2009 at 7:24 AM

I’ve played matchmaker, unsuccessfully, for scores of black professional women. And I’m convinced that Michelle’s got something on many of us. Not her intelligence or her confidence or sense of style, her glowing skin or the carved silhouette of her arms. I could fill a room with friends who have all these qualities to spare. I’m talking about the choices I imagine she made in those crucial moments between meeting Barack and deciding who he would be to her. She must have focused on an abundance of goodness instead of his hint of goofiness and fixated on a warm smile instead of a pair of oversized ears. It’s easy to see now that he was a great catch, but how many of us would have been open to this guy who strayed so far from the black Prince Charming ideal, starting with his very name?

My single friends and I mingle at events dubbed Pandora and Equilibrium, or with long acronyms about political engagement or the black community, where open bars and soul food buffets are the draw but really not the purpose. I will often identify a black man who “someone should be dating” and talk him up to a female friend, colleague or neighbor, offering descriptors like: Funny. Laid-back. Attractive. And more honest ones like: Ambitious. Shy. Soft but not fat.
Just as I picked at the less-than-cool undercurrents of that presidential pickup game and talk-show dance party, my female friends hone in on the negative as they snub my suggestions.

His toes were ashy.
He seems like he’d be a really cool friend, but I don’t know, those lips. . .
He was wearing a bubble coat, and seriously, it was not that cold.
We had a good conversation, but I like a man to be more aggressive.
That was our second and last date. He used the word “authentic” like 14 times.
How many times do I have to tell you I’m looking for someone TALL and HOT? Keywords being tall and hot.
He drank a hot chocolate instead of coffee. What is he? A 6’4’’12-year-old? (I’m putting myself out there—this was my own reaction to an otherwise pleasant date just a few years ago.)

In these comments are echoes of my conversations in mini-communities of black professionals—at brunches, bar-passing celebrations and housewarming parties. I think of my years at Harvard Law School, which has 150 black students at any given time. One would have thought that the Black Law Students Association was a group of first cousins; dating among members was so unusual and so scandalous when it did occur. In these “professional” contexts, women are shaking with one hand and tossing men right into the friend zone with another. Across the country and over the years, the take-away often has the same theme: There was not a single guy there I would date.

Yeah, he was tall, but his head seemed a little small for his body.
It was loud in there, so I’m not sure. Did I detect a stutter?
Boy, was he was sweating!
He seems like someone who would like Star Trek.
I don’t care if he can’t see. He should have left those glasses at the office.
He was dancing (or worse, trying) way too hard.

I don’t mean to minimize the statistics that are the baseline explanation for black women’s dating difficulties. They’re so distressing that last year CNN dedicated an entire segment of Black in America to the dilemmas of successful black women in dating and marriage. The Journal of Higher Education published statistics last year showing that less than a third of black males who enroll in college graduate within six years, and that black women outnumber black men in higher-education settings by 2:1. Between 1970 and 2001, the marriage rate for black men and women fell by 34 percent, versus 17 percent for the rest of the nation. The most recent Census Bureau figures show only 70 single black men for every 100 single black women. And those 70 men are not necessarily available—the figure includes single men who are incarcerated. The same survey showed that 45 percent of black women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women.

The idea that things are hard for black women who want to date black men who match us in academic and career success is a well-worn cultural narrative.

But if black women are going to defy the statistics, they need to start being more realistic. Holding out for the perfect man, someone who is intellectual but not nerdy—cool but not arrogant—impeccably dressed but not effeminate—not a player but with just the right amount of edge—is useless. Smart can go with a little nerdy. Artsy can be accompanied by off-beat. Ambitious and focused may mean less than a social butterfly. Yes, there was that one guy in law school who was easily 6’5’’, a Rhodes Scholar and a rapper, with a baby face to top things off. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but please!

And let’s be fair. We expect men to resist what society tells them about ideals when it comes to us—God, help the brother who admits a preference for skin or hair displayed on every magazine cover; or the arrogant fool who holds out for his own Clair Huxtable, not acknowledging that The Cosby Show was fiction. We’re justifiably upset when unrealistic standards are imposed on us, but many of us don’t seem to give black men any breaks in return when it comes to the superficial.

I was lucky enough to meet my beautiful, hilarious and unfailingly confident boyfriend two weeks after arriving to D.C. to begin my legal career. (By lucky, I mean I tracked him down in a Giant parking lot, tooting my horn to get his attention and asking if he was new in the neighborhood or needed a ride.) Jason works for a nonprofit. He drives a rattling, rimless Mazda. He has a particular pair of pants that were cuffed too ambitiously by his tailor, and he still wears them to work with determination because he paid for them. He has long dreads that see neither a twist nor a drop of beeswax in between the days I style them. If a tuft of hair escapes a lock in the middle of his forehead and I don’t see him for two days, it sits front and center for meetings and happy hours and pictures.

finish this article at http://www.theroot.com/print/13089?page=3

Are you a SIX trying to get a TEN?

I read the following article by Scott Croft and thought it was spot on! I've just posted the best parts, but you can read the entire article for yourself through the link at the bottom. Enjoy! And comment if you have one!


YOU'RE LIKE A SIX
by Scott Croft (in part)

Are you a single Christian man who desires to be married? Let me help.

I have an idea for a personal ad:
"Single Christian male (SCM) seeks single Christian female (SCF) to love as Christ loved the church, to give himself up for her to make her holy, to love as he loves himself (Eph. 5). SCF must be absolute physical knockout (no one scoring below 9.0, please), must love to talk politics and sports, and must possess a laundry list of pre-decided personal characteristics so completely that SCM is convinced no better option could possibly be available within the next decade."

Oh, you're a single Christian woman? No problem:
"SCF seeks SCM to submit to in everything as to the Lord, to respect, to serve, to follow and to be led by in discipleship and ministry, to trust as spiritual leader of the home, and to serve Christ with for the next several decades or until Jesus comes back. SCM must possess total confidence (but can't be cocky and must trust SCF's opinion in all things); must be devastatingly handsome but have no idea that he is; must be exquisite interpersonal communicator who enjoys nothing more than long, conversations about the relationship; must understand SCF completely; and must otherwise fit description of how SCF thought 'The One' would be since SCF started thinking about it at age 11."

I once counseled a Christian brother in his dating relationship with a great woman. She was godly, caring, and bright. She was attractive, but not a supermodel. For weeks I listened to this brother agonize over his refusal to commit and propose to this woman. He said they were able to talk well about a lot of things, but there were a few topics he was interested in that she couldn't really engage with, and sometimes the conversation "dragged."

He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he "just pictured differently" on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, "I guess I'm looking for a 'ten'."

I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, "You're looking for a 'ten'? But, brother, look at yourself. You're like a 'six.' If you ever find the woman you're looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?"

Here's something else the world won't tell you. Even if you find your "perfect ten" — however you define "ten" — marriage is still hard. When you search for a spouse, you are looking for someone (a sinner, like you) who you will be serving God and living the Christian life with until Christ returns or one of you dies.

In that context, even a really good sense of humor will only get you so far. Physical attractiveness (as defined by the world) fades in 100 percent of people, including you. "Chemistry" as the world defines it ebbs and flows in any relationship. Your spouse can be as fun-loving as he or she can possibly be and there will still be many moments that aren't fun. Your spouse can have the best personality you've ever seen and he or she will still drive you absolutely batty sometimes if you live with him or her for the rest of your life. You can marry someone who appears to be an omni-competent genius, and there will still be times that neither of you knows what to do next. Knowing that is part of maturing as a person and as a believer, and believe it or not, it's part of what makes marriage wonderful and special.

As you seek someone with whom to serve God in marriage, build on something more than what might make for a few fun dates or an impressive "catch" in the world's eyes.


Read the entire article at http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001371.cfm

First Date: To Kiss or Not to Kiss

Here is my advice to men – don’t worry about a kiss on the first date. It is too awkward and too much stress involved. Don’t even think about it. Just relax. You are just getting to know the woman and if you feel like you really want to kiss her – wait until the second date.

She will wonder if you like her if you don’t try to kiss her, so make sure instead of doing that you mention doing something else with her. Yes, I mean make a plan to call her and tell her so. Something like, “I have tickets to a basketball game. I’ll call you with the details to see if you are interested.” That’s it. No need to be more specific. Keep her quessing. But here is the kicker – CALL her the next day and finish that conversation.

You haven’t kissed her, so she is wondering about it. She's probably wondering if you are gay, a liar, or just not into her, so make sure you call about the next date during the next day or two (at the most) to keep her interested. And if the second dates goes as well as the first one did, KISS her lightly on the lips at good night and walk away. She’ll think you’re a keeper! Happy Dating!

The following is a good answer and can be used for women who have 'extra pounds' and think that because of it, they will never get the guy. So untrue! It is all about your personality and confidence in yourself. And of course, a happy woman is an attractive woman!

Q&A with Samantha's Table:
Ginger, Dallas, TX: “My friend seems to get more attention from guys when we are out on the town than I do. But objectively speaking I am much prettier than she is and everyone thinks so. Why do you think she is getting all the guys?”
Samantha says: “Often times men are more attracted to a woman’s energy and her smile than to her physical looks. If a beautiful woman has a sour look on her face or her arms are folded across her chest, no man will want to talk to her. And a woman who is just average in the looks department can be very alluring to men if she uses her “come hither” eyes and she makes him feel as if she really wants to talk to him and is interested and excited by what he is saying. If you friend is getting more attention than you are, take a moment to think about the energy you are putting out there and readjust it so it’s “happy energy” which will translate into “guy-magnet” energy.”

Never Say Never in Dating - Tip #1

When I read this tip, I thought YES! This is very true. It can work both ways - for the male or the female. Don't you agree?

Never say "Never"
According to my Exit Interviews with 1,000 single guys, one of the big reasons they don't call back is "The Never Ever Mistake." When a woman makes an emphatic or absolute statement, a guy begins to question a possible future with her. For example, one New York woman emphasized how much she loved living in New York by telling her date, "I'd never leave this city! My job, my family, my friends are all here; there's no place like New York!" Because he grew up on the west coast, he wasn't sure he'd always want to stay in New York, especially after he had kids. He'd enjoyed their dinner together, but the next day he decided she was geographically inflexible and didn't have long-term relationship potential. He took her "never ever" statement literally, even though one day she might have moved for compelling reasons, especially if they were married.Men shared other statements that women made on first dates such as "I would never live in a cold climate," "I would never adopt," and "I would never stop working after I had kids." A guy may eventually accept your "never ever," but why put him to the test so early? Don't shoot the messenger, but let me just say that everything is negotiable when you're truly in love and you evaluate situations as a couple, or as a family, rather than as an individual. Simply avoid those categorical statements early on, when the guy you're dating doesn't know you well enough to gauge whether you're just speaking enthusiastically and expressing a strong preference, or whether you're totally inflexible.
Rachel Greenwald